Haiku for Brandon

I noticed today
Mr. brown is hollowed out
Floating to the sky

Louder than bombs

You are the only good person
because you are not here
Brandon Brown(e).

Feel good while you can babe, it's just phases of the moon.

I was pushing my hair back and I guess I breathed deeply and smelled my hand. It smelled like a boy I used to kiss, back when I did that a few times.

Inventory

My new favorite tea is Earl Gray. I can't stop drinking it.
The good thing about the dentist is when the dental assistant is nice and says you have white teeth and no cavities. And you get to bring home a new toothbrush.

I started to clean out my closet today. Literally. I am getting rid of all of my high school work. I shouldn't have kept it but I did because I am a pack rat. Also in the closet is my elementary school work. I think I may get rid of that as well but I will consult with my parents first.
I just have way too much junk. I keep every little piece of paper that has a 'line' one it. By line I mean something poetic I thought of but didn't use in a piece of writing. I also have all sorts of drafts and such, scribbled. And several computer word documents full of 'lines' and drafts. It's just overwhelming.
And that's just the words. I have things.

I have a box of knick knacks. Little toys from Ruckers... weird things I found on the street etc.
And in my art room I have 4 drawers of fabric, one of magazines/art school catalogues, and a few of art supplies.
I have a closet full of art. All of my high school projects, plus tons of crappy unfinished stuff that I think I might use some day, tons of crappy finished stuff, some good stuff. Also in that closet I have a broken t.v.
In my other closet I have stuffed animals and beanie babies, and all of my books from my childhood. Both of these closets also have pants in them. Probably... 13 pairs of pants.

I don't know what to think about this stuff. I guess a lot of it is normal. Closets need to be used for something. Maybe I keep all of these things because I can. I have two closets- 3 counting the one in my brother's old room (now my art room). I want to pack it up and throw it in the garage, where one day it will get water damage and I will be sad but not really because I didn't need it anyways. But I don't have a garage.

I just think about the day I move out and wondering how much of this stuff I will take with me. How much I will actually spatially have room for? How much of it can I justify needing to bring with me?
I could never be a minimalist but I want to cut down on my possessions. It's hard to know where to start. I resent people that care too much for material goods, but how hypocritical is that of me? I know I care, but do I care too much? What does it mean that I'm unable to let go?

-RJZ

Jenny was sitting in her room.

Last night I dreamed that Paul came home. I was so so so happy. It surprised my awake self, how happy I was.
I also dreamed of a man's face, it flashed once to my left, once to my right and then I audibly said "what" and started awake.

I heart my parents

I wouldn't eat another primate
or a prime ape
I like soy beverage with chocolate flavoring
And I can see a bible and a Neil young c.d from where I am sitting
Sometimes when you just confront a problem it makes it better. Like when I say to my dad
I'M LEAVING BECAUSE I CAN'T SEEM TO BE AROUND YOU WITHOUT GETTING MAD AT YOU and he laughs and says 'I guess so.' And I kind of laugh to.
I don't know how I will ever live with someone. They don't know that any soft drink in the house is mine to drink. And I wear my pajamas sometimes for 48 hours. And I yell a lot. I am also rhetorical and have my own crazy sense of humor and will chatter at you all through the grocery store and when I ask you philosophical questions out of no where I expect you to be serious and I will tell you tidbits I learn in university ALL THE TIME and I almost always have music playing.
beware future roommate.

Don't Mind

I think God fell from the sky last night
in the form of countless tiny particles of snow
I woke up and my first thought was that the sound of the wind
was the sound of something else
something haunting, shivering, ethereal

I call today a 'white out'
God as a blanket
blank mind, I'm starting over

New Years

The beginning of the end
was punctuated
by my lips on his cheek
cracked lips, sandpaper face
on tip toe I could barely reach him

He saved me from someone
Who, minutes earlier I had proclaimed that I did not love
Words which surprised me when they came out

When it was time for me to leave
He hugged me like I meant something
A hug I will remember
The end of the beginning